[aka]eliza

Nice beginning, but I agree with some of the others that it seems a little plain, or in my opinion a bit vague. I find it a little tricky to ...

Wow, this is really good for a beginner. I started writing a few years ago, and i was in the exact same spot as you are. The only thing I ...

This has a lot of potential. I really like it, but like all stories there are a few kinks. =] In the beginning when he says, "I could tell you..." ...

This has a really good middle. I get what you mean when you put the (.....). I was just a little confused throughout this story about who was talking about ...

This was really interesting. Melancholy is definitely an unusual character. I have to admit though, that I was slightly confused through the whole thing. I also got lost, and had ...

Wow, it was just like I was reading from a book. This is really good. The very beginning paragraph sets a great mood, and setting. I had a perfect picture ...

Wow, what an awesome story. I like how the story just jumps in and you're instantly curious as to what she's talking about. And you want to keep reading to ...

This is a really interesting story! I thought you could lead up to the ending. Like give more detail before it just ended. The old man was cute. But I ...

"The same creepy grin that never completely left my mind was still there on his face. It was the same strange look he gave me this very morning. " I ...